New meaning to the Counter Top Man

So, I’m talking to my girl and I’m asking her about her week. Work is good, her parents are great, and her daughter is growing into a wonderful, smart and responsible young lady. Oh and she’s thinking of remodeling her kitchen so she had a guy come by to measure the cabinets and the counter tops. I love a good remodeling adventure, sounds like a trip to the Home Depot is in our future.  I swear I just heard this girl moan. I mean I like Home Depot and all but…No, she says there’s more. The guy that was recommended by a coworker comes over to give an estimate, measure the cabinets and counter tops and he is whipping out his tape measure, bending, reaching, muscles flexing, talking handy man talk  and suddenly re-doing the counter-tops became doing her on the counter-top. “Seriously, this really happens in real life and not just Zane books?” Yes it happens she says, it happened, and it was amazing. So now I’m somewhere in between curious, amused, embarrassed, jealous and slightly turned on by the idea. Since I’m “selectively celibate” I have to live vicariously through my girls quixotic encounters and I want details. Which she gladly divulges.

It was spontaneous, exciting, bumpy, physical, raw and cabinet doors weren’t the only things slamming, opening and closing. He was swinging his hammer like John Henry and hitting the nail right on the head. I’m staring at her trying not to picture her but still get the visual. I need a cigarette and I don’t even smoke. When it was done there was no shame along with no strings. Basically a Bye Felipe, and I had no judgments.

So what about the cabinets? Oh replacing them is a must but it won’t be by the counter top man that was recommended by the coworker. She told me he sent her a dick pic. Although he was well endowed we laughed equally as hard as he appeared in the picture. Not at the picture but that grown men actually send unsolicited D.P’s to grown women and think it’s sexy. He called the next day, and the day after and while she tried to entertain him, he invaded her adulthood with uninvited, unwarranted, unwanted, and un-sexy phone sex talk and text which turned out to be a turn off for her. Turns out they call it a one night stand, because well one night is all you can stand…So he didn’t get the counter top job, but he got the job done.

At the end of the day when you Bout That Single Life, you can do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want. You can get your counter tops done or get done on your counter tops. #Datpart